Before my baby arrived, I could never have imagined the in-depth conversations I would later have surrounding milk. Who knew the white stuff could be so complicated…
After I announced my pregnancy to friends and family, I was surprised by the number of people who would ask me whether I would breastfeed or not. Yes, I knew I would be giving my baby milk but I really couldn’t understand the fascination with this question and I started to find it quite annoying. However, that was before I truly understood this age-old debate.
My answer was always “I’ll give breastfeeding a go and if for some reason that doesn’t pan out well, I will move onto formula”, simples. After a long labour (that’s another story) my baby was given to me very quickly to breastfeed. It was such a strange sensation, but in my mind my daughter seemed to latch on with ease.
I had to spend some additional time in hospital after giving birth. During that time I continued to breastfeed but my daughter struggled to latch onto one particular side. Several midwives visited me to review my method and all agreed I was doing everything correctly but she just wouldn’t latch. It became increasingly frustrating, for both me and her, and that’s when the guilt kicked in. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed that I couldn’t breastfeed my daughter. I was certain she wasn’t getting enough milk and when I resorted to expressing my milk I was horrified to see how little I had produced after hours of pumping! Within the first week of having my baby girl I moved onto formula feeding but felt such guilt for doing so.
My little girl genuinely seemed more content once I did, but I hated telling people I was using formula milk. Especially when it was the first question midwives would ask as well. Friends of mine persevered for months, whilst I had ‘given up’. All my pamphlets talked about breastfeeding too and gave just a few lines worth of attention to how to feed your baby formula milk.
Most of my friends and family were very supportive, but I often thought they were just being nice. Whilst a few closed to me made it quite clear that they thought I was doing the wrong thing. It really was a challenging time and to think, my journey as a mother had only just begun! I’m just thankful that my husband was on my side and that my baby was getting the food she needed. In the months that followed and once the guilt had surpassed, a little, I realised there are so many more things to be concerned about and milk (once you find what works for you) shouldn’t be something that causes so much grief.