A few weeks back I was showing my new arm muscles (aka the guns) to my husband and daughter and boasting about how well my new gym routine is going. My husband was actually quite impressed for a change. He then turned to my daughter and said “look how strong mummy is”. Her reply was, “girls are pretty not strong”.
I was taken back by her response and asked her to repeat what she said in case I misheard. She went on to tell us how girls can’t be strong but they can be pretty. I was horrified, shocked and deeply upset to hear her say that. As you can imagine we were both quick to inform her that girls can most definitely be strong and being pretty wasn’t important. To which she asked “am I pretty?”. Then I blurted out, “of course you are” (what parent would ever think or say no), but this confused the whole issue and got me wondering ‘have I being putting too much emphasis on being pretty without realising it?’.
I’d like to think that this view of her’s had not be formulated in my house and she picked it up elsewhere, but on reflection I am always commenting on how ‘pretty’ her clothes are, and I know I do it to her friends too. Why this has left her thinking she can’t be strong is more puzzling; perhaps I don’t emphasise how impressed I am with her strength (inner and outer) and all the amazing skills she’s learned in just three years. Are we all guilty of this? How often do you see a girl and say “wow what a pretty dress”. Would you say the same to a boy?
I’m actively trying to comment less on how she (and her pals) look and focus on all the other amazing things all these little ones are capable of and ask them questions instead – which sounds basic, but something I clearly to be aware.
I’m glad to share that she now says she is strong (and pretty too)!
Thanks for reading,
Chloe x